Indian Marriage

What do you expect from this article?

I will write about the customs and traditions of various Indian marriages?

Ironically I did exactly that. A 150 page report for my 10th grade English Project!

But in this case: Nope!

I am gonna bash some but that’s not all of it.

In earlier times, Indian society was divided on basis of caste, religion etc. People married within caste and religion, because it made sense, of course. Similar caste/religion people had similar practices, similar beliefs. It would be easier to live together without much difference and compromises. Indian families with all their experiences and wisdom used to look for the perfect partner for their children, which they knew would be better for them in long run. Ancient Indian youth accepted this procedure as normalcy and rolled with it. 

Well, this acceptance didn’t come all naturally. Society didn’t spare any strays. Severe punishments were inflicted on the ‘wrong doers’: the ones who brought 'shame' to the family. In some cases, they were punished by death too! People who used to abide by this ‘law’ set by the society, enjoyed this punishment of the strays. It was satisfying and rewarding to the way of life they chose: thus, inspiring newer generations to be under the law and never question it.

  

People are fickle...

They would never understand or even try to understand the true reasons behind the various rules and regulations set in society. They just blindly follow it because -

1. That’s what everyone does!
2. That’s normal, right?
3. If we don’t, we would be punished!

It’s much easier this way. The more people think and explore, the more they will be willing to experiment with the boundaries of the set rules: the only thing that the rule makers don’t want. It’s not that the rule-makers are real evil, they are just more intelligent than then the average Jack and they wanted to keep these Jacks and Janes under a structure which would be beneficial for these fickle souls in a way. But the problem arises when among them rises a person with specs above average.

All strays are not intelligent, but most intelligent ones are either strays or cowards. The cowards accept the rules and keep on going, but the others have the bravado to defy and stand tall against this huge force called 'society'.

With flowing time, the boundaries of caste and ‘gotra’ and religion started to fade into a blur. More and more people started questioning this ancient set rules, because of one simple reason: it didn’t make any sense in the modern society.

All Bramhins don’t go doing Puja now.

All Ksyatriyas don’t go fight wars.

All Vaishyas don’t do business.

All Shudras don’t clean shit.

Still the society with it's fickle humans would not dare question the obsolete rules. 

They are fine by rolling with it without questioning it. 

But halt!

How dare you not accept these rules that we do?

How dare you go against us?

How dare you try to enjoy freedom while we succumbed to society?

We will force you to be one of us lest you are in for suffering that would be ensured by us. 

Then arise the extremist groups who are the defenders of society and its rules. Everybody needs a life purpose and they got one. Now begins the relentless attack on the strays which can range from boycott, insult and all down to good old murder.

In a civilized society with educated parents, I still see no difference! The fear of society is deeply engraved inside the genes. I am sure even a new-born will cringe when you say ‘inter-caste’ or ‘inter-religion’. My logical educated parents just vaguely approved an honor killing! I didn’t know what to reply. I pitied them more than I was angry. They would suddenly turn off the logic part of their brain when it came to inter-caste or inter-religion discussion. They would dig up all the stories that had a failed marriage; bombard them on me in a hope to scare me off back into line. Futile.

I will explain, why many love marriages fail in India.

Try entering the mind of an average Indian lover. What are the things that go on inside that normal head when he/she is in love?

• Is he/she the right choice for me?
• Will he/she reciprocate the love back to me?

Wait, wait, wait!

This is going in the wrong direction. This goes on in every lover’s mind. What are the extra things that Indian lovers think?

• What caste/religion/gotra he/she belongs to?
• If he/she belongs to one different, or in case of gotra – same, will my parents allow the marriage?
• Should I abandon this relationship and go on and accept the society rules?
• What consequences am I gonna face for not going with my parents/society’s wishes?
• Shall I be able to handle it all?
• Would it be worth it?

Now tell me readers, with marriage and love having its own complications already, how well are they gonna phase out with some extra problems? And the problems are not a onetime deal. They would persist, the society will ensure that it will.

How many marriages would you think can survive all these and be successful? Hats off to the ones who do. But the rest pile up in the example list of the failures that is passed on to the next generation as a warning.

The war is on though. Not long now, 3 more generations later we may not see these practices except for some cults. Like the White supremacists or the Nazis with their obsolete ideologies faded into history which were once the raze during their times.

But wait a minute, did you notice something?

When we defy the inter-caste marriage because it didn’t make sense, we chose our own partner mostly from similar professions, because it makes sense of course, similar practices, similar knowledge, better understanding without much compromises. 

Sounds familiar?

Caste system morphed and we didn’t even notice.

The ancients were geniuses after all.